“It made me question whether I looked the way I was meant to look”

Sporty Spice Melanie Chisholm says a comment about her body has made her obsessed with her body.  (Photo by David Levenson/Getty Images)

Sporty Spice Melanie Chisholm says a comment about her body has made her obsessed with her body. (Photo by David Levenson/Getty Images)

Melanie Chisholm opened up about her battle with depression and disordered eating in a recent podcast episode Mayim Bialik collapse.

“It was something that I think started really early,” said Mel C, also known by the Spice Girls nickname Sporty Spice, explaining that a one-time observation about her body sent her into a spiral of fitness-related issues. body image. “There was a comment about the way I looked. And this band meant everything to me. You know, my whole childhood dream was all about this band. You know, we were together. Things were happening. Things were getting moving.”

She continued, “It was a really throwaway comment, probably made as a little joke. This person probably doesn’t even remember saying it. achieve the things I wanted to achieve”.

This insecurity quickly manifested itself in the one thing Chisholm felt she had control over: her diet.

“So it was like, ‘OK, I can check that.’ You know? And that’s when I first started limiting my eating,” she admitted.

As her uncertainty about her place in the Spice Girls grew, so did her messy eating habits, recounting a drunken blunder that sent her further down the rabbit hole of self-resentment.

“It’s the year before we release anything, so not many people knew who we were. I have a few drinks. And I have a little fallout with Victoria Posh Spice and the next day, I’m in all kinds of trouble. And it’s threatened that I’ll have to quit the band if I’m going to act like this again. So another little trigger goes, where it’s like, ‘I can’t believe I jeopardized everything with my behavior. I have to control my behavior.’ So all these little control elements started appearing. So I’m trying to control my appearance through how I eat and exercise more,” she said.

As the group’s success began to grow, so did the growing pressures of the superstar.

“It started off pretty bland, but then it escalated. And I think it escalated because obviously the pressure got more and more, you know? The stakes just got higher and higher. band, to the point where I just wasn’t in control. And I had to seek help,” she said.

The ebb and flow of what body types are “in” or “accepted” also played a part in how Chisholm viewed herself.

“The aesthetic was completely different, wasn’t it in the ’90s? And yeah, there wasn’t any diversity in that way, you know? It was in what I call the ‘spice craze’ days. So, ’96 to ’98-’99. It was something I hadn’t even admitted to myself. It was something I had to do. I had no choice,” she said of her disorderly behaviors around eating and exercise.

Even though the pressures to look a certain way persisted, she sometimes realized that her behaviors were unhealthy.

“A little voice occasionally creeps in and says, ‘You can’t keep doing this. This is not sustainable.’ And a louder voice will say, “Well, you don’t have a choice. You have to do it.” So I was in denial for a long, long time,” she said.

“And I feel sad for my younger self. But it wasn’t until we went on tour in ’98, we had some time apart that I started pursuing my solo career. And that’s when I didn’t I used to do more .. And that’s when things started to change,” she said, noting that her binge started soon after.

“The compulsive overeating started. And that was me losing control. And that was the scariest moment for me,” she said.

Eventually, she sought help, citing that she felt so out of control that she began to think she was “losing her mind.”

“There were many things that led me to the GP. I think fear was the biggest thing because I was afraid of where it would lead [and] where would he go. It was vanity, because I could no longer control my eating. And I was gaining more and more weight. Plus, I thought I was losing my mind, you know, I didn’t know what was going on in my head,” she said.

This has made receiving a diagnosis a major point of relief.

“Hearing those words from a doctor telling me I had depression was a huge relief. And it made me realize, ‘Wow, it has a name, it can be treated. And potentially I can get better,'” she said.

The relief she felt upon realizing there was an explanation for her behaviors gave her the courage to be open about her experience in her book, in the hopes that it might help someone who was going through something similar.

“It was so important to me to be as descriptive as possible about all the things I went through to normalize it. … Because I think anyone who has any of these issues, they think they’re the only one. You’re the only one who feels behaves that way. And you know what, as humans, we are so unique and so wonderful and so different. But there’s so much of us where we’re so alike, you know? We need the same things, we feel so many of the same emotions and, you know, and I’m not ashamed of it.

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